After being in the recovery room for a couple of hours, they wheeled me to a regular shared hospital room. My baby was crying because he was hungry and colostrum wasn’t enough for him. Reminder: He was born at 38 and a half weeks weighing 10 pounds 5 ounces. So my plan of exclusively breastfeeding for a year went out the window. I had to supplement with formula on day one and that never stopped. Breast milk never did come in fully for me, and so I was partially breastfeeding and partially bottle feeding with formula for about 3 months when I finally had to come to terms with the fact that going to formula only, was what was best for me and my baby.
I didn’t get to do skin-to-skin first, I didn’t get to change his first diaper, and I didn’t get to feed him his first bottle. But I thank God that He was with me and He got me through that whole experience of bringing my son into the world. I didn’t know it then, but as time went by I had to grieve that I never had the chance to do those things.
I thank God for my husband who was having to learn all these new things he thought I was going to teach him. At the same time, he was taking care of me as I had to now recover for the emergency c-section surgery.
After two nights in the hospital for myself, they discharged me, but our son had jaundice. So we ended up in a care-by-parent room in the NICU. After 2 more days, our son was discharged and we were finally able to go home from the hospital 4 days after he was born.
I could not get comfortable and was unable to fall asleep no matter where I was. I had barely slept for about five full days.
I never told more than a handful of people this next part… but I told God that I would share about it when it was all behind me, because that means His Word is true and He got me through. So I’m sharing it now to give God the glory for never leaving me, for healing me and for getting me through such a tough season.
The day after we finally got home, 5 days after my son was born, a midwife came to visit and check up on me and Joseph. She checked my blood pressure and didn’t say anything to me. She waited a few minutes and checked again. Then she checked my son and then came and checked me again. Then she told me that I needed to go to the hospital because my blood pressure was too high.
My husband and I brought my son to my parents and my husband brought me to the hospital. I ended up spending the night in the ER with the doctors trying to bring my blood pressure down. It was another sleepless night and I kept praying that God would get me through whatever was happening, just like he got me through the delivery of my baby. I was speaking God’s Word and His promises over myself despite the circumstances.
I was put on blood pressure medication, and I began to pray right away that I would be able to wean off of it.
Recovering from the c-section (a major surgery) was one thing. I thank God that I recovered from that within a couple of months with just a happy face scar to remind me of how I brought my son into this world. At first, I didn’t like that scar, but as the years pass and the scar starts to fade, I’m ever so thankful for that scar. It reminds me of how I brought my son into this world and how God gave me the strength to endure through it.
My son never slept more than 2 hours at a time for 6 months straight. The lack of sleep greatly affected me. I started feeling many, many physical symptoms of anxiety after that night in the hospital.
I would feel like I was sitting still but everything around me was moving, like I was in a movie. I felt like my hands were shaky. I’d have the strangest sensations in my head. I’d have tingling in many different parts of my body. I would have heart palpitations. I would feel like my heart was racing. I would have hot flashes. I felt off. Honestly, there were more physical symptoms but I don’t want to try to remember them all. I just thank God that it’s over and it’s behind me now.
The doctor wanted to put me on anxiety medication. But I said no. I wanted what the Bible says is mine. I wanted complete healing and I didn’t stop until I got it. I wanted to be healed of the high blood pressure so I could get off that medication. And I wanted to be healed of the anxiety and all of its physical symptoms.
I thank God that within 9 months I was able to wean off of the blood pressure medication and I give God praise!
The anxiety and the symptoms didn’t end at 9 months though. The doctor kept trying to tell me that I should take medication, that it would help me feel better. I just didn’t feel peace about it. So I kept pushing through, I kept declaring God’s Word over my mind and my body.
Every time the enemy would send negative thoughts (which was very often) I would speak God’s Word out loud. Sometimes I felt silly doing it but that didn’t stop me.
I would not give up. Some days I felt like I took a step forward and some days I felt like I took a step back but I would declare, “I’m getting better and I will keep getting better until my full healing is manifested in my body because I know it’s God’s will to heal me according to His Word.” I stood on God’s Word.
It wasn’t until my son had his third birthday that I can confidently say, I finally started to feel good again. It happened gradually over the years, and finally, the anxiety and all the symptoms of it had left. Praise the Lord!
I don’t remember much of the first 3 years of my son’s life. I don’t remember much during those three years regarding anything. The get-togethers, when people came over, events I attended, places I visited… Everything is a blur. All I really remember is anything that I have pictures and videos of and I’m so thankful I took so many pictures and videos during those years.
I didn’t tell anyone what I was going through. I didn’t want sympathy. I also didn’t want people giving me their two cents on what they would do or thought I “should” do. My husband is the only person that knew most of what I was experiencing and going though. I told a couple of other family members just parts of it, not the full extent, and I told one friend in the faith that would pray for me and with me daily until I received my victory in this area.
When I was out, I’d put a smile on my face and say I was good when people asked how I was doing. I didn’t want anyone to know about the battle I was fighting. Was I right or wrong to do this? I’m not sure… but I knew that God was fighting the battle for me and that I would come out victorious. Praise the Lord, His Word is true!
This isn’t everything, but all the details don’t matter anymore. What matters is that God never left me and He got me through.
God is good.
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. (James 1:17)
I know God was not the one causing the anxiety or physical symptoms I was experiencing because Jesus said…
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10)
I know that Jesus provided the healing for me.
But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. (Isaiah 53:5)
So to God be all the glory!
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. (Romans 8:28)
I pray that this will encourage you to keep standing on God’s Word, no matter what you are going through. Don’t give up. Believe God’s Word will work for you. Stand firm in faith. Trust God. He is faithful.
